Becoming a BLMR — Part 2

Day 3 – “Sore today, stronger tomorrow.”

I had my consult with a trainer from the Wellness Center to set up a basic weight lifting program. Given: the options are limitless. There are free weights, cable and tower systems, stretchy bands, kettlebells, medicine balls, bosus, stability balls, etc. For the sake of simplicity and as a place to get started, the trainers at this Y set you up on the weight lifting machines. Each machine targets a different set of muscles, so if you use the entire circuit, you are guaranteed a “full body workout.” The machines are all similar in how they are adjusted for each individual, which makes it easier for all Medicare Recipients to remember how they work. The machine even counts the reps for you, another great feature for the older crowd. The trainer makes notes for you on your personalized worksheet so you don’t have to remember anything other than your last name so you can find your worksheet in the file cabinet.

I worked with a Lady Medicare Recipient Trainer, who has some sort of certification in “senior” fitness and conditioning. I did not seek her out, but she happened to be the trainer available at the time I selected. Although it was nice to be working with someone close in age, it was mostly irrelevant. Any trainer would have been fine. It was about figuring out where to put the seat (almost always #1), how much weight to use (almost always kinda light + 5 pounds), and then making sure I know what parts are moving in which direction to avoid getting hurt– my parts as well as the machine parts. For example, sit here in the exact opposite direction that you would expect, stretch to pull down these two handles that are almost out of reach, then while holding on to those handles, somehow get your feet which barely touch the ground to provide some support. Maneuver your body through these two giant rollers, hold your breath, and be happy this isn’t your annual mammogram appointment. Repeat 12x.

What became obvious (and perhaps I should have remembered this since I am not a stranger to the weight room), is that these machines were not engineered for people my size. Short Lady Medicare Recipients simply don’t have enough length in their limbs to keep their feet firmly planted on the floor while moving many of the machines in the designated direction. Two of the machines were just plain awkward and I subbed free weights. I expect I will move toward more free weights and other activities once I get more comfortable with being in the weight room and start waking up all those muscles that have been hiding inside my body. That process has already begun. Although I have been avoiding going crazy because I don’t want to get too sore, I can already feel lots of muscles in my core that are vying for recognition. Tomorrow, I expect my upper body to also yell and scream a bit. This is all good! It is an essential component of thriving as an old lady. Need to get out of bed or out of that chair? Need to use the toilet? How about getting groceries from the top shelf in the supermarket (never mind, not even six pack abs are going to help me with this short girl problem, I’ll just borrow a spatula from the kitchen accessories aisle). Yes I am preparing for my future but as a side effect, I am also preparing for badassing my way up a mountain tomorrow, whether on foot or on my bike. Becoming a Badass Lady Medicare Recipient is about today and tomorrow. Today it began in the weight room.

Day 4 – “Water provides 12 to 14 times more resistance than air during exercise.” 

My Y membership gets me into any of their 7 locations in western North Carolina. Of the two that are closest to home, one has a pool; actually two pools, one is a dedicated lap pool and the other is for everything else. Today I decided to visit that Y in downtown Asheville to take a water aerobics class. The decision to attend a water aerobics class begins with overcoming any anxiety associated with wearing a bathing suit. For many Lady Medicare Recipients, this is the end. There will be no water aerobics because there will be no donning of the bathing suit. Others may have to bribe themselves or speak to their therapist. I tend to think of my bathing suit as required equipment, equivalent to my padded bike shorts or wool hiking socks. Of the three, the hiking socks make me feel the most attractive. My biggest obstacle was finding the bathing suit that I had purchased for pool immersion as well as the required accessories – swim cap and goggles. All were located and shoved into my gym bag. About the swim cap; last night I was very tempted to purchase a “retro” bathing cap adorned with flowers of many colors and possibly even a chin strap. Striding out of the locker room with that on would be a declaration of badassity, but I couldn’t bring myself to click “add to cart.” I think I need to put more effort into being a badass in the pool before being extremely badass in the locker room.

For my first water fitness class, I chose Hydroburn – “A high intensity deep water total body workout that will test your limits, get your heart pumping, and your muscles moving without the impact on your joints.” I wasn’t afraid despite the description, because how much can you burn if you are in the water, right? The first clue that I had possibly bitten off more than I could chew was when the instructor told me to expect to have difficulty keeping myself in one location while kicking my legs this way and that. I soon discovered that she was correct, because staying in one location requires abs, and I have already disclosed that I have none. Looking on the bright side, I had to swish my arms around constantly, which must have increased the number of calories I burned.

The second clue was when she described the workout and she used the word “Tabata.” Tabata is a form of HIIT (high intensity interval training) with specified intervals of 20 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest for 8 rounds. This cycle is repeated five times using different movements which adds up to 20 minutes of cardiovascular torture. It is designed to squeeze maximum burn into minimum time but Professor Tabata invented this regimen while working with Olympic speedskaters not Lady Medicare Recipients. It was time to throw the badass switch to on and battle Professor Tabata with leg kicks, jumping jacks, twists and all manner of thrashing around while trying not to end up on the other side of the pool. When the battle was over, there were skirmishes to follow because the class was only half over. Hydroburn kicked my butt and I cannot wait to do it again. I might even reconsider purchasing that badass retro swim cap.

Rest Day – “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.”

Most new hobbies, especially those to which you aspire to be a badass, require an injection of cash into new equipment and appropriate apparel. So far my need to purchase equipment was minimal. I had just about everything I needed that is not already provided by the gym. I did buy new swim goggles. As for appropriate apparel, once again I had just about everything I needed. However, just to be sure, I sought the guidance of experts by googling “badass lady Medicare recipients fitness apparel.” I did gain some insight into how to maximize comfort and confidence. From my BLMR perspective, comfort translates to being able to get your clothes on and off without assistance, and confidence means not giving a flying f*&k what you look like because nobody cares and neither should you. As advised by the experts, I assessed my potential needs in each of the following categories: tops, bottoms, sports bras and footwear.

1. Tops should be synthetic and moisture wicking; avoid cotton. I do have moisture wicking tops, but I also have a large and beloved selection of cotton t-shirts. Just yesterday I got caught in pouring rain while wearing a t-shirt, which reminded me of the moisture retention qualities of cotton. Until I get that wet from sweat, my cotton t-shirts will remain in the rotation.
2. Pants and leggings should be the appropriate length for your height to avoid tripping, falling, and dying. Try the buttery soft leggings from Lululemon. Lululemon does not sell the appropriate length leggings for short lady Medicare recipients and even if they did, I am not buying $98 leggings anytime soon. I will continue to wear the leggings that I appropriated from my mother’s closet. When she moved, I was somewhat aghast to discover that she had no less than 100 pairs of leggings in her closet. She kept many and I took some. I am sure there are many lady Medicare recipients in southern Florida that are reveling in comfort and confidence after purchasing leggings from Goodwill.
3. A supportive sports bra is a must. You might consider purchasing a bra with a front closure. This was 1 item where I felt I could justify an upgrade to my fitness apparel arsenal. Most of my sports bras are either too stretched out or otherwise ill-fitting.
4. Shoes/sneakers should be built for your preferred form of exercise. Don’t buy them online, go try them on and bring your preferred socks with you. My current everyday sneakers were too soft-sided for jumping around in the gym. I decided I needed a new pair of kicks and a rainbow of no-show socks to match the rainbow of colors of leggings recently acquired from my mother’s closet.

After this research and needs assessment, I was ready to engage in a little retail therapy. First stop DSW, where I was able to try on sneakers in a quantity exceeding the number of leggings in mother’s closet. The variables I was able to consider: size, width, color, color of shoelaces, targeted activity, presence or absence of memory foam, design elements, and of course, price. I left with a pair of mint green New Balance sneakers in size 6.

Second stop: the outlet mall where large athletic apparel stores abound, in search of sports bras. Here is where I wish I had taken the advice of experts a little more seriously. It never occurred to me to try a sports bra with a front closure. There I was in the fitting room of one of the big athletic stores trying on a pullover bra with a plethora of crisscrossing straps and a moderate degree of compression, when I realized I couldn’t get it off. I began to consider my options. 1) Call 911 and tell the dispatcher to send the fire company with the Jaws of Life to my dressing room to extricate me from this sports bra. 2) Leave the bra I had worn into the dressing room on the little hanger and steal the sports bra I was still wearing, then cut it off when I got home. Luckily, I tried one more giant heave-ho, and I got it off. I will continue to wear my stretched out pull-over sports bras until I am psychologically prepared to purchase a front closure style bra.

Somewhere along the way I did buy a six pack of rainbow colored no-show socks, and they have already been my greatest source of comfort and confidence.